This year has been nothing short of surprises. I genuinely do not think that anyone could have anticipated this global pandemic that is Covid-19, and how it is affecting our lives right to our very freedoms. Although I lived through SARS, my needs, obligations and desires as a 7 year old is so different as to what they are now. The anxiety can get very real and I can see the cause for panic. Personally, I have been slightly anxious about the situation too. To cope with the uncertainty that seems to carry itself to the next day, I abstain from reading too many news articles on the situation, not because ignorance is bliss, but because sometimes knowing too much can be too overwhelming. My personal faith and belief has also been carrying me through these weeks and months, and I have especially been encouraged by the show of care and concern that the more privilege in society is showing to the vulnerable.
Intentionally being thankful has also been great for my mental health lately. There are parts of me that needs working on that I have been made acutely aware in the past year or so. I think that being in a relationship has shown me more clearly the person that I am, and it is far away from the person I thought I was and the person I want to be. I have been struggling with learning how to be my own person whilst being in a relationship, and it is because the lines between the two allowed to be blurred in my own mind from the start. Correction is always tougher than prevention, but I find myself in that process now - slowly rediscovering myself as person, not as a girlfriend but as a child of God and as just, me. This has involved spending more time alone, with my thoughts and doing the things I have always enjoyed doing alone. It gets difficult sometimes, because I fail to be mentally and emotionally present when I'm alone, and my mind often wanders to time spent together. The lostness I have been feeling has been uncomfortable, and difficult to explain to anyone who hasn't been in such a place before. What I have been learning recently is that I can be quite panicky and anxious when things don't go to plan, a far cry from the calm and composed person I thought I was for many years. Perhaps I've changed, or perhaps I have been tested in new ways, but I am working toward stability in times of change.
WHF is a great opportunity to spend with myself, and I hope to make the best use of the remaining time that I'll have at home. Here's to the rest of 2020 being a year of self rediscovery and self improvement.
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