haven't written anything here in a long time because i've been away and school has just started. in fact, today is the last day of the first week. year 3 has been feeling quite different from my first 2 years in poly, and it's not a good kind of different...i feel so unprepared for what is to come this semester and the next.
on the subject of unpreparedness, i failed my first driving practical test with a shameful 32 points and 2 immediate failures. the feeling i'm feeling right now is akin to that of when i got rejected by JCs i tried to appeal into. it's basically feeling like you're the scum of the earth and a huge let down to those who love you.
pre-test, i had one final lesson with my instructor on the road and in the circuit. it started raining really heavily while we were in the circuit and there were so many cars around that we couldn't finish all the stations (gave parallel parking a miss) in time.
during the test, i was so nervous and jittery but i managed to muster up enough confidence to not have a shaky voice or tremble in the driver's seat. it wasn't enough. my confidence dwindled as i made my first mistake in the test - striking the curb during the directional change. i've never done that before, during any of my lessons. that caused me 10 points. during vertical parking, i mounted the curb and heard the tester's make a circle on the paper, which meant 'immediate failure'. any chance of passing was now gone, but the test wasn't over and i still had to complete it. situations i haven't been in arised when i was on the open road, almost hitting into a motorcycle while changing lanes - my second 'immediate failure'.
it really, really feels bad to know how much time and money has been put into learning, and results don't reflect it.
there's nothing else and better to do now than to get over this, go for a few more lessons, book the next test and pass it well.
(chin up)
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