To obey without compromisation or hesitation
i have been feeling so spiritually distant and dry lately, a parched soul in need of His nourishment. this week's quiet time was focused on God's providence when we obey him. the message from him couldn't come any clearer, or at any better time.
the past week has been rather sleepless for me, my body's way of reacting to immense levels of stress. there are also so many other things that are worrying me, distracting me from completely concentrating on my examinations.
the truth is, i don't know how to grow up into a nice young lady, full of wisdom and empowered by God. there is no defined way of getting there, but I see the people around me being able to do it so flawlessly, or atleast they know how to hide their insecurities, awkwardness, gushes of self-doubt and tsunamis of feeling like the absolute scrum of the earth.
in my heart i know, but in my mind i don't. I've been on a tough journey of self-love this year, and just when i think I could see some progress, i fall two steps back again. square one.
i am feeling down right now, and a moment ago i couldn't bring myself to cry about it. then i read a page from my quiet time book, and started praying. tears instantly rolled down my cheeks, tears that were not there just a minute ago.
I am 18, I am somebody, I am a child of God, I am loved, I am cared for, I am competent, I am proud to be me - things i know in my heart but refuse to believe with my brain. stupid stupid stupid
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2.30am thoughts are the worse.
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